Subject: where to live after Retirement

 There's no perfect place, except maybe Santa Fe?
 Most of us think of expensive Hawaii as the perfect place, but
 a new friend I met said that living there was "stupid", what
ever that means....

Ursula, Santa Fe, New Mexico

(See my answer to Ursula's email at the bottom - about Hawaii)

You can live in Phoenix, Arizona where...

    1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
    2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in
        the toilet bowl.
    3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
    4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
    5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the
        face when you open your oven door.
    6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING

 You can Live in California where...
    1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
    2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
    3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
    4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
    5. When someone asks you how far something is you tell them how long
        it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
    6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.

 You can Live in New York City where...

    1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
    2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from
        Columbus Circle to Battery Park but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
    3. You think Central Park is "nature."
    4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own
        language makes you multi-lingual.
    5. You've worn out a car horn.
    6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You can Live in Maine where...

    1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
    2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
    3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
    4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
    5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and

 You can Live in the Deep South where...

    1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
    2. "y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
    3. "He needed killin' " is a valid defense.
    4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty
       Jean, MARY BETH, etc.

 You can live in Colorado where...

    1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
    2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he
        stops at the day care center.
    3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
    4. The top of your head is bald but you still have a pony tail.

 You can live in the Midwest where...

  1. You've never met any celebrities but the mayor knows your name.
  2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
  3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
  4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
  5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say "It was

 OR you can live in Florida where...

    1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
    2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind < even houses and cars.
    3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
    4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
    5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.

OR  you live in Honolulu, Hawaii where...

 1. You're surrounded by ocean, want take a dip, but can't find parking.
 2. Your surrounded by paradise but stuck twice a day in bumper to bumper
      traffic for hours; and regret as the engine idles that you pay the highest in the USA for a gallon of gas (today $3.30)
 4. They dump sewer into Waikiki Beach because the main sewer pipes were were
     starting to fracture - 6 years ago - but the government is still studying the situation.
 5. Fruits and vegetables grow wild but we stuff are ourselves with French
     fries, greasy hamburgers and MSG.
 6. People hold down 3 jobs but can hardly afford the rent ... 10,000 call the beach "Home."


May 10, 2006